Fuck my life

I feel that I'm so fucked up .. Everything is fucked up .. What the fuck .. I'm seriously damn pissed and I'm having mood swings. What the hell ?! I'm being emo all over again .. That feeling that I've pushed away , it's back .. I promised myself .. Until mye ends .. Hold it till then .. I'm afraid I can't hold it anymore .. I feel so pressured .. I can't relax .. Wth .. Why are so many things happening at the same time ?! URHG What if I can't hold it anymore ?? I have to right ?? I have to be strong !! I have to believe that I can go through this .. I can do it .. But my father keeps rubbing salt to it .. How am I suppose to believe I can do it ?? I'm just not who I used to be anymore .. By saying all these .. I think I have broken my promise .. To some people in particular who I have promised to them specially , that I WILL try .. But I have broken the promise .. I'm just so tired .. So .. I don't know how to describe that feeling .. It's just .. Haix .. I'm so affected by these .. My mye .. I don't think I'll at least be able to do well for my parents to see .. Yeah .. And I have a question .. Are the exams that will affect your future more important or your family that will be together with you for the rest of your life more important ?? It's just so hard .. I feel so pressured .. I don't have a choice , do I ?? Being the eldest .. URHG .. And some people want to be the eldest .. I don't mind changing .. Being the eldest , bearing the responsibility , that I think it's so big .. ): I realised I've never been happy .. Never truly .. Who am I ?? Yeah .. that's it .. I don't know who am I anymore .. People are making me pissed off .. Like my sister .. What's with her attitudes man ?! WTH ?! I think I'm such a failure at everything .. I can't seem to be able to do things right .. I can't make things right .. I can't be a good sister to my sister .. I feel crap. URGH .. I want to scream out loud .. I want to enjoy the silence which I haven't been able to enjoy .. I can't be emo .. If I want , I can't show it .. I can't let them see that I'm unhappy .. Just let them see that I'm happy ..